You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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