Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
