**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
