bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
