just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
