I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
