your parents love me but you hate me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
