New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
