YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
