I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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