Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
