Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
