we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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