I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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