why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
