I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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