we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
