He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
