He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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