I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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