Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
and you fell through a lawn chair
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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