wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
