he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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