Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
