yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
