She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
