fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
