One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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