My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We named our party play list daddy issues
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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