Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
