Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
