ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
