I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
jump out the window naked night went bad
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