There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
