I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
