Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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