Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't make out with my wife yet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
