Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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