I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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