Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
