distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
