so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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