So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
