you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
