Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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