Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
