Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
