I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
