Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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