Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
