It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
is it fun? or sober?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
