fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
