The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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