I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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