I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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