Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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