Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
