if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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