I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
