sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
