you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
