I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
