the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it