sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?