Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
