And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....