i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.