Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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