my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
