Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
