if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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