matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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