How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
